Exhibit Five

A week late but here none the less! 

Last Friday I had a sleep over. 

Which is a big deal. There are very few I stay the night with. That means I’ve grown attached to them. It also doesn’t happen often because as a single mum I don’t get a lot of nights off. So when I spend the night, it’s a thing. 

And this time it is with a gentleman I’ve played with quite a few times. A daddy dom who likes to play DD/lg with me and it was time for my first sleep over. 

I admit I was nervous. DD is a refined older gentleman, and I’m what has been described as eccentrically eclectic. I have rainbow hair, tattoos, piercings and a mouth like a sailor. 

I arrived and for ages we talked things that other people would find boring, ancient languages, apps to help children with ASD, podcasts about morphic feilds while his little dog sat between us loving me because I was a novelty. Then he called me princess and I knew things were about to start. He calls me princess, I melt, and he leads me to the bedroom. 

He tells me I’m a good girl as he uses my body and whispers dirty things in my ear. I get my paci and stuffie and DD does very naughty things. His dog tries to snuggle me before being expelled from the room, not before stealing my hair flower and doing a runner. 

When we’re done he tucks me into bed and he holds me. Or at least tries to because there’s a possessive shitzhu in the middle claiming his daddy but also demanding my love. 

I fell asleep much faster than I thought I would. I was paranoid about snoring, I know I’m not exactly a delicate flower while sleeping. I woke up about 2am and he was gone. Ugh. My snoring has driven a man out of his own bed. He invites me to stay, numerous times, I finally accept and I drive him out of his own bed. 

So I spent two hours playing Whirly Word on my phone planning how to appropriately apologise in the morning for ousting a man from his quarters with my death rattle. I did finally fall back asleep, but that was going to be short lived. 

There’s nothing quite like being woken up at 5am for kinky, no holds barred, sex. Being half asleep as a man pushes inside you and takes you for his own. Apparently he wasn’t too upset about having to sleep in his own spare room. 

So it turns out, yes. I did snore. BUT, that’s not the reason he moved. Apparently, as I’m  used to sleeping alone, I did a bit of bed hogging. And…… rolled on top of the dog and kind of squished it a little. Nothing is quite as hot as staying the night and killing a mans pet. Puppy didn’t seem to hold it against me. Or at least didn’t pee in my shoes. 

As tribute to the poor put out pooch, here is a flat puppy. 

Exhibit Three

This has been a busy week, even for this slutty McSlutface. So let me introduce you to exhibit three. 

The over confident under pleaser. 

The OCUP is quite the man whore, and is apparently under the impression that a huge (and I mean HUGE) cock means you’re a sex god. I will happily admit that holy hell it felt amazing. For the two minutes it lasted. What a two minutes. Mmmm. 

He did aim to please though, the effort was not unappreciated, he just needs a little training. A few pointers to get him headed in the right direction. For instance – 

  • Stop at the cervix with the toys. It is not a competition to see how much of it you can get it. 
  • Trim your nails so your partner doesn’t shriek when you slice open her innards. 
  • Don’t stop mid play to play with your partners cat. 
  • Don’t fill any available gaps of conversation post sex with tales about your girlfriend who is apparently so ok with you sleeping around. It causes you to be ejected from the premises quite quickly. 

So you know, little things. 

My cat that normally hates everyone couldn’t get enough of him though, but that cat is a jerk so we can’t trust his judgement. 

Orgasm count: 0

Except for the ones I faked so he’d stop assaulting my cervix. 

So here’s a picture of a sassy ass frog to help you on this evening.