Exhibit ‘get fucked. I shaved for this bullshit’

Don’t be the fat girl at a gang bang, guys. 

The tall thin blonde ones get a queue while you could probably turn into a pot plant and no one would notice. Except for exhibit one who happened to be there. Tried his whole counting down to an orgasm thing too. Ugh. Get fucked. 

I could have been in my friends kitchen eating antipasto and bitching about her ex girl friend and our passive aggressive hitleresque boss. But no. The gang bangs have been a lot of fun before. I was looking forward to it. 

I shaved. 

I fucking shaved. 

That shit takes effort. Shallow ass bastards. None of them were exactly super models, but we’re supposed to feel lucky to have them grant us with their cock. Nope. Get fucked. 

I’ve gone from being sad to being cranky. 

Thank god for hot builder booty call on the way home. Helped soothe my bruised ego and scratch and itch. 

Gonna just mutter for the next few days about societies perception of the perfect body and how it’s damaging women everywhere and brainwashing people into thinking only one shape is desirable. And also all men are bastards. But that’ll wear off quickly. I know too many good men. 

But for now, I leave you with the queen. One bad ass mother fucker who won’t take any shit. Do you think she ever lays in bed, pulls the covers up to her chin and says, ‘look Phillip! I’m a stamp!’?