Exhibit Three

This has been a busy week, even for this slutty McSlutface. So let me introduce you to exhibit three. 

The over confident under pleaser. 

The OCUP is quite the man whore, and is apparently under the impression that a huge (and I mean HUGE) cock means you’re a sex god. I will happily admit that holy hell it felt amazing. For the two minutes it lasted. What a two minutes. Mmmm. 

He did aim to please though, the effort was not unappreciated, he just needs a little training. A few pointers to get him headed in the right direction. For instance – 

  • Stop at the cervix with the toys. It is not a competition to see how much of it you can get it. 
  • Trim your nails so your partner doesn’t shriek when you slice open her innards. 
  • Don’t stop mid play to play with your partners cat. 
  • Don’t fill any available gaps of conversation post sex with tales about your girlfriend who is apparently so ok with you sleeping around. It causes you to be ejected from the premises quite quickly. 

So you know, little things. 

My cat that normally hates everyone couldn’t get enough of him though, but that cat is a jerk so we can’t trust his judgement. 

Orgasm count: 0

Except for the ones I faked so he’d stop assaulting my cervix. 

So here’s a picture of a sassy ass frog to help you on this evening.